rant

i don't think i will ever understand why you love him. Maybe my opinion is biased because of my emotions. Yet, i can't shake the feeling your with the wrong man...and yet there is also her to consider as well. I look for your smile at every corner no matter where i am. My heart skips a beat when i do get the chance to look at the beautiful smile God blessed you with.

I'm torn, between two smile, two wondrous heats. And torn between wanting you all out of my head, out of my heart, and the hope that if i fight hard enough or with enough courage then maybe, just  maybe then you can be mine....

As much as i think in an emotional way rather then a more logical and scientific way like so many around me, i still don't always understand my own emotions...

God give me peace.

Stand Up!!

So todays been a pretty great day. Leland ordered the fire bibles tonight before bed. Went with the youth group to see despicable me 2, which was hilarious btw! then proceeded to mess around in half price books, then eat an amazing sub before going to epic loot. where i let shawn carry me in a game of halo risk, while i played brandon in vanguard. Got to try arbaros build of neo nectars which i'll be getting in a couple weeks. ordered this awesome vanguard mat from a guy in the facebook group only to find out that since its not sanctioned by bushiroad i can't use it at their sanctioned tournaments.

but i'm getting my license this thursday, terry goodkinds new book comes out next month, i got vanguard regionals in september. ren fest this fall, mass effect risk comes out in the fall. ps4 to be released this holiday season and then ohyao con with Hooweh in january!
Too many things with not enough money or time!!! xD

but yeah just excited so yeah...ttfn!

oh also started a forgotten realms adventure with Lee, chaseballs, john and his wife!

For the Greater Good!

I know its a break in the code geass episode titles but i wanted to post my tau army list, and its a nice point list so i can refer to it when calculating stuff xD  also i have had to recalculate and edit this page like 20 times now (no joke) so ...yeah for fucksakes i am tired xD

Hq: Commander Farsight
165 points
accompanied by 7 crisis bodyguards. 6 w/ plasma rifles, 6 given target lock allowing me to shoot different units then one will be given command and control node allowing this model to give up shooting to allow all failed hits of the entire unit to be rerolled, and multi-spectrum sensor suite which under the same conditions gives the unit the ignore cover special rule. This last one will be given a flamer, shield generator and neuro-web system generator. Then 5 shield drones.
 485 points

Troops: 2x12 man fire warriors, all with carbines all with boding knife.2 gun drones per fire warrior unit.
284 points

Transport: 2 devilfish with gun drones. Both also with the point defense targeting relay
180 points

Elite: 3 man XV8 crisis team all with twin linked flames and the shield generator  and knife bonding
174 points

Fast attack: three man piranha squad with fusion blaster
150 points

Sun shark bomber with twin linked missile pod and decoy launchers
168 points

Heavy Support: 2 Hammerhead's one with rail-gun and Longstrike and the second hammerhead has an ion cannon . One with point defense targeting relay
305 points

Broadside with velocity tracker
85 points

Total points:2000

Well there you have it, my Tau army. Granted it's never been playtested, but i plan to post it on ATT (the tau forums) for some veteran advice so wish me luck! And feel free to give me any advice or ask any questions =P

The False Classmate

Boy these code geass episode names just aren't relate-able  at all xD oh well. I only got scheduled for 4 hours this week.. .yeah only 4!  I really hope they call me in a couple times i need money if im gonna go to LIFE this summer. But my dad thinks i should get my income tax back when i file my W2 later this week so that should help. Anyway pray i can get more hours in at work.

I've been watching alot of movie lately, all with either Emma Stone or Emma Roberts in them. I gotta Emma Stone is a babe. I usually don't watch movies because of whose in them but I think i would watch anything if Emma Stone was in it xD

Well since i don't have anything else to write i'll leave you be, ya butts.

The White Knight Awakens

So I've been talking with  a friend from church and trying to get her to open up. She's had some issues with her grandparents and such and thus never really opens up or trusts people. But I've convinced her to trust me if nothing else, and its helping her realize that God has a plan and she needs to trust others sometimes and not be afraid to speak the truth and open up. So thank you God for giving me the words to help her open up. I pray you can give me more words of wisdom so i can help others!

Anyway I have been playing Skyrim alot lately, i realized i might as well get my moenys worth and have fun , I even stayed up till 430 last night playing it and the only reason i went to bed was because i had work the next day otherwise i would kept going xD

Well i can't wait because Leland is gonna be turning 18 meaning he can sponsor people on base meaning we can go to the gym on base meaning i can hopefully get some exercise in and lose some weight!

Also Leland i wanna remind you we need to start planning our writing project for this summer i really wanna do this and help us both getting back into creative writing! =P

Well ima go...do...something. I don't know what, but I'm sure it'll be fun xD

The Day a New Demon was Born

Because im unoriginal ill title my blogs after code geass episodes. anyway i guess ill start ranting, it seems to help leland so why not give it a shot.

I want it know that in my heart all i want is the best for you, if he realizes this too and finally treats you like a man should then so be it, so long as your happy. But if he doesn't start showing you how much you mean to him then you need to rethink your position. I understand you love him but the love of one person doesn't make a relationship! its the combined, complimentary love and compassion of two people that make a relationship possible. I may just a friend that you see as a brother-figure buti hope you see one day that i care for you more then a friend or sister-figure!

so yeah thats all i got. i doubt anyone reads this anymore, but im ok with that i just needed to get this off my chest.  I'm going to go  play video games or something now

WoopWoopWoopWoopWoop!

SO been working at krogers for about two months now. Its not easy, it can get frustrating with people but overall its good. Im just so thankful i have a job, I thank God every day i have t since so many are without work.

Scioto hills, the fall retreat i went on with my church was so..awesome! it touched me, it made me open up, it broke me down and forced me to really be myself which i think my friends can agree is a really goofy nutball! and because of the fall retreat i got to see the true side of a girl i've liked and it made me really wanna connect with her, which ive been doing.

 Oh, i went to the Halo 4 midnight retreat with chaseballs so that was fun. Helped him and Leland pay fot there copies since it was a game that brought us all together. also got leland some xbox live so he can play with us =D

The two people who read this blog know the girl im talking about but incase she reads this i won't mention her name, though it's not like ive been very shy to her i talk to her almost every day or at least try to so xD

Anyway ive started rewatching smallville, im on season 3 now, i own seasons 1 -4 so i need to get more, but ive recently decided to start my chaos daemon army for warhammer 40k which is expensive and i need to save up for car insurance =/

I decided not to compete in NaNoWriMo this year, with the release of halo 4, and my driving lessons and work i just dint think id have the time. but maybe ill do it myself some other month. I just need an idea i like enough to stick with!

Well Max since i know you read this, or at least i hope you still do, how you doing! i havent talked to you in a while.

Ok im tired so goodnight y'all, and if you ever read this goodnight, Siha.